


Hiding in Plain Sight

by Petri808



Series: Fairytail AU Short Stories & One Shots [32]
Category: Fairy Tail
Genre: Angst and Feels, Depression, Loneliness, Self-Doubt, Self-Esteem Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-15
Updated: 2020-09-15
Packaged: 2021-03-06 21:53:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,181
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26476003
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Petri808/pseuds/Petri808
Summary: On the outside, Lucy Heartfilia is the image of a dutiful, intelligent, beautiful young woman with a promising future, but inside, that couldn't be further from the truth.
Series: Fairytail AU Short Stories & One Shots [32]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/760656
Kudos: 14
Collections: Fairy Tail Reverse Bang 2020





	Hiding in Plain Sight

**Author's Note:**

> written for the FT Reverse Big Bang event on Tumblr. This story was written in reflection of a piece by artist LucyKirkland on Tumblr (see art in body of the story)

__

_“Yeah sure,”_ Lucy taps out the text message on her phone, her manicured nails clicking away on the glass surface. _“see ya at school 2morrow.”_

She was groomed and cultivated from birth to appear perfect in every way. As the only child of prominent parents, she never dared to appear less than refined and above all obedient. She might’ve had a more peaceful existence if her mother had lived, but the woman died of cancer by the time she’d turned four-years-old. Left with a father more interested with their status in the community than for his daughter’s wellbeing.

Needless to say, it was a miserable existence for the young woman.

By the time she had entered high school Lucy was sickeningly proficient in making sure no one saw her true emotions. She was well educated and maintained honor roll level grades. Her beauty and poise attracted both awe and jealousy from those around her, despite never doing anything to attract too much attention. In public, Lucy fixed a smile on her face and always appeared to be sweet, caring, and helpful.

This attracted a slew of friends to her side. The young teen gravitated to a select group but was considered to be well-liked amongst the many student cliques around school. Anyone looking in would assume Lucy had the perfect life. It was an image Lucy maintained out of fear that someone would discover the darker tendrils of pain lurking just below her porcelain veneer.

It was like wearing a mask anytime someone else was around.

No one knew how deeply her mother’s death tore into her psyche because her father never bothered to make sure the young child wasn’t affected by it. But the emotions ran the gamut from sadness and loss to betrayal, of why would life deal a young girl such a painful blow in taking their mother away from them. It created a hole in her soul that in order to cope with the loss, Lucy had erected a wall around her heart. If someone she loved like her mother could be ripped away, it was best she not give anyone the opportunity to do it again.

She lets the phone slide from her fingers onto the couch beside her, curling up her body around a pillow, and wrapping her arms around her legs. The text was from one of her closest friends asking for help with his English homework after school the next day. She couldn’t tell him ‘no’—rarely ever told anyone ‘no’ because that’s part of her cover façade.

_Dutiful obedience._

Not that she thought he was taking advantage of her, and maybe a part of her wanted to help this person in particular because he seemed to genuinely care about his friends; Lucy included. But this only served to escalate the conflict brewing inside of her. On the one hand, there is her desire to stay distant, but on the other, a human need for closeness. It was a double-edged balancing act-- Acquiesce to be helpful but letting them get too close would trigger her anxieties.

 _‘I hate my brain…’_ Lucy buried her face into the pillow. She hated feeling so alone in this world, of having friends all around her but never truly feeling like she was a part of any group. Her brain could barely comprehend why she felt this way and her subconscious reminded her it was of her own making. Not a purposeful choice, but the results of walling off her heart. It was a constant conflict waged in her mind, and this conflict was the only consistency she’s really known.

Worst of all, she felt like a fraud. All the painted smiles, all of the lies told to keep her secrets, carefully woven like a spider’s web. Beautiful to the naked eye, yet deadly within… at least for herself. She justified every step she took in fear of everything coming unraveled and her life made bare to the world. All her so-called friends would probably hate her when they found out the truth, that’s what she believed with every fiber of her being. And so, she kept up the charade for them, for everyone, until fact and fiction were a universal confliction.

Lucy closes her eyes hoping to cast these images away, but they only burn brighter behind the lids. She didn’t want them to hate her. She wanted to be their friend. The teenage heart beating in her chest wanted what any young person wanted… to be loved. And yes, there was one person in particular who she’d sell her soul to love and be loved by, which in turn only sent her anxieties skyrocketing. Because what-if he felt the same way? But what-if it was for this shell named Lucy Heartfilia? If she were to show her true colors would he accept her for who she was?

And who was the real Lucy Heartfilia? When she was a young child, she shared a love of astronomy with her mother which smolders somewhere inside of her. She knows it’s still there, waiting for attention, that comes out whenever she notices a clear night sky. In her primary school days, literature caught her attention, especially the fiction stories. Being placed into advanced English classes in middle school opened that door even wider and provided a small escape from reality. But it never lasted because her father couldn’t see the importance of such skills for her future, so it was pushed to the side. Business was all that man cared about, and as his only heir, all the pressure of success was placed on Lucy’s shoulders. It was wholly unfair.

By the time Lucy had made it to high school, anything she loved or fancied was tossed to the side and a new persona born. Whatever interested those around her became her interests. Her life was destined to be miserable anyways, so why care about anything? At least if she was only pretending to enjoy the same things as others, it kept those people happy and at bay from delving too deeply into what and who she really was. That was the safest route in her broken mind.

She buries her face deeper into the soft throw pillow and quietly allows a few simpering tears to break free and soak into the fabric. There was no one around to hear them and blow her cover, but that only added to the weight of loneliness aching in her heart. Her father was away on a business deal, and the hired help only came by on a routine. The nights were the worst of all. An empty house save her, with only the ghosts of lives past haunting it’s walls. Lucy might as well be an orphan.

What good was she really? To keep existing as what, her father’s doll? Lucy knew he expected her to marry someone to his specifications and while she was to be of both good breeding and intellect, her place was in the shadows, silent and unheard. And no matter how much she loathed this design, she never fought back against it. _‘I’m really useless…’_ What was the point of living knowing that she’d end up in a gilded cage? Too weak to stand up for herself. Foolish enough to be taken advantage of. Death would be a relief.

And even that scared her into staying silent. Lucy didn’t want to die she just didn’t want to live like this anymore. Was that too much to ask for? 

_Worthless creature._

Go ahead and cry some more, her subconscious taunts back. Cry for the girl you could be and of the woman you never will become. She was caught in an endless loop of sadness and shame, with no light at the end of the tunnel.

The cell phone pings with a message, so she sweeps her eyes over the screen without moving her head.

_“Goodnight Lucy :)”_

It was a final message from the boy who needed help tomorrow. How polite of him.

_“Goodnight Natsu”_

She replies back out of courtesy, fingers hovering for a few seconds in hesitation. There was a strong pull to reach out for help too… but Lucy just couldn’t do it. Ugh! She silences the phones ringer.

_Useless idiot._

There were three options Lucy could think of. End her life and become another statistic. Just give in and accept her life will never be her own. Or give up this façade and tell the truth. To be possibly disowned by her father and thrown out on the streets with nothing. Or stay quiet and obedient but with a roof over her head. Her father knew a lot of people and what’s to say if she did open up to someone, that it wouldn’t get back to him somehow? The man had never laid a hand on her, but she feared him greatly.

But she didn’t know how much longer she could keep up this façade. It was destroying her, literally and figuratively. If her life were a story book, her character would be the one who dies because they stupid enough to listen without thinking for themselves. ‘ _I hate myself and what I’ve turned into. I’ll never be worth anything, just a Heartfilia to carry on the legacy. To be used and exploited until there is no need for me anymore. Argh! I hate myself and yet I don’t even know who the hell that is! Why do I have to feel this way…’_

If there were a way to turn off her emotions, Lucy would snap it up in a heartbeat. Just make her completely numb to everything. Truly become a doll who speaks with pre-programmed phrases. A robot who felt no love or sadness and only knew how to be a servant like in a sci-fi movie. She thought that by walling off her heart it would shield her from the pain, but it only caused a deeper one to take root. And frankly, even if she tried now to fix it, how do you erase 14 years of misery?

It would take years of therapy, hundreds of hours and dollars to do just that. Not to mention having to re-live all the painful experiences that drove her to become the way she did. So much for any chance of a solid relationship. She couldn’t subject anyone else to this, that would only make her feel worse.

_An utter burden._

To ask someone to bear some of her weight upon their shoulders would be unfair, and if she truly believed this, how could she ever bring herself to open up to anyone, especially if she cared about them. Yet, she wanted to do it. At least a small part of her screaming from the depths of her mind, pleading selfishly to just tell someone! Screw it all! Who cares if they dump you as a friend afterward. Stop worrying about the what if’s because she can’t predict the future.

If only it were so easy.

A few minutes pass by as she sits there in silence, when the light from her phone illuminates the room for just a moment.

_“Are you okay?”_

Her breathing hitches, stopping short in her throat. Why would Natsu ask that question?! The screen goes black again bathing her in darkness, but the words had dealt their blow. Histories of conversations and interactions are replayed in her mind as Lucy searches for any justification for that message. Had she done something, said something to lead him to believe she wasn’t okay? Oh, no! She’d forgotten to add a happy face emoji or a blush emoji to her response. Is that what made him pick up on a problem.

_“I’m fine, really *blush emoji*”_

Okay, that should do it, right? Her response was simple yet positive, nothing to indicate the opposite turmoil festering in her mind. Ugh, she shouldn’t have let herself slip into a depressed state tonight. Perhaps her subliminal consciousness tripped up her perfect record of hiding things in plain sight because deep down she wanted to be caught.

_“*frown face* I don’t believe that Lucy, somethings wrong I can feel it.”_

More tears rise to the surface from the realization that her perfect house of cards were about to come crashing down over a text message of all things. Lucy could continue to lie. Should she continue to lie? Really, I’m fine just tired. Don’t worry about me. I was distracted with homework. All valid responses she could use to justify the slip up.

_“Lucy? You know you can talk to me, right?”_

Her chest constricts further as she chokes down a sob. How?! How does she know that to be true?! What if he laughs or ridicules her? What if? What if? What if?! _‘Stop it!’_ Lucy screams in her head. Heaven help her, she couldn’t take it anymore! Natsu was her friend and in her heart of hearts, he would never knowingly hurt her.

Instead of answering the text, Lucy clicks the call button instead.

“Lucy?”

“Natsu… You’re right. I-I’m not okay…”


End file.
